The League of Anti
"Audemus Jura Nostra Defendere!"
Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Dead men are healthier than most women, says a new study released by the Propaganda Organization for Women (POW).
"We've long known that women are being shortchanged on health care," says Colleen Hyphenated-Lastname, president of POW. "Now this report proves it."

"Statistics show that women live about seven years longer than men," she said. "Thus women live long enough to suffer a variety of ailments that men never have to suffer. Consider the scourge of osteoporosis -- the brittle-bone disease that occurs in older people. Most victims of this disease are women. That's because they live long enough to get it. Men don't live as long as women, so they don't suffer as much osteoporosis. Obviously, if fewer men are suffering from this insidious and debilitating disease, then men are healthier than women."

"Also, we have found that many widows have a tough time getting by on the pensions of their late husbands. These widows cannot always afford the finest health care. This causes them to suffer from a variety of ailments their late husbands are not forced to endure."

"Some people ask us -- ‘what should be done about men dying earlier than women?' We say that obviously it means we have to put more money into improving the health of women. After all, it doesn't make any sense to spend our scarce health-care dollars on dead people."

"Some backlashers point out that men have higher rates of depression, alcoholism and drug abuse. ‘Isn't that a health issue?' they say. We don't think so. After all, many of the men who have alcoholism or addictions will go on to commit suicide. Once you're dead, obviously you aren't suffering from a disease anymore."

"Meanwhile there are all these living women who suffer from depression. It is our job to help the living."

"Also, suicide is a personal choice. This is one area in which feminists will defend a man's right to choose."

"We also found that dead men are healthier in one other key area. In strict, laboratory conditions, we scanned the brain waves of a random sampling of dead men. For a control group, we then scanned the brain waves of a random sampling of members of our feminist group."

"The dead men scored higher in every respect." -- Per

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